Why I Chose to Fight Depression

By Ain Aqilah

I choose to fight depression because it slowly kills you on the inside. You might be smiling happily on the outside but your inside doesn’t mirror the same thing. Your stomach feels clenched and uneasiness flows inside your veins and inside your head. You might be laughing joyfully on the outside but your insides wanted to cry so bad that you slowly pull yourself out from mingling with family, friends and society. At nights when other people are sleeping, you will be awake at night thinking to yourself and would sometimes cry yourself to sleep. Most of the time there is no any specific reason for you to feel blue, it just happens like a flick of switch. At times when you really want to reach out to someone, you would either be too shy or the people you reached for seems to not understand you and what they said actually pushes you deeper into the pit of darkness so, you chose to be silent and let the depression keep eating at you. When it gets worse you start taking meds to fight the invisible ghost inside you. Not a single day passes by without the thoughts of stabbing yourself in the heart or maybe hanging yourself up high in the air. You kept staring at those sharp objects near you while thinking of how much you want your suffers to end. When you finally start hurting and bleeding yourself, you can’t feel the pain anymore even though your receptors are screaming to your brain. What keeps going through your mind is remembering what people said to you “You are depressed? Oh, come on. It is just you overthinking.”, “Stop being negative!”, “Depression is nothing. You should go see a doctor or something.”, “Oh, I have depressions all the time so, don’t fret over it.” Not a single support was given because people took depression as a light matter. No more! No more, please. Stop underestimating depression. Depression is a silent killer. Who knows maybe the person you love the most is actually suffering from it. So, please.

P/s: This article has participated in Positive July 2018 writing event