Forgive Your Past

 By: Mira Mudin

"Surrendering is not about giving up, it is about letting go based on the perfect timing and wisdom of GOD"

- Mizi Wahid (page 96, The Art of letting God) 

Section 1: A bit of curiosity and pondering 

I wonder what makes people hold on to their unpleasant past?

Why can’t they just let go?

Why can’t they just forgive?

Why can’t they just move on?...

I guess it is not easy, obviously!

It is because...

It is a very precious yet painful piece of memories that had molded you and shaped the way you think of the world. You might perceive it as a bright or dark future.

It had affected you in long term, as the memories had instilled "strong" negative feelings especially anger, frustration, guilt and regret. It had controlled you as you will behave accordingly based on what you feel. Or it can be the opposite way - Ironically as you trying to hold on...

Section 2: A bit of applying knowledge

The important lesson I have learned from the Psychiatric rotation at Hospital Bahagia Ulu Kinta, (HBUK), Ipoh, Perak, is that human is being granted by Allah swt with 3 elements: the mind, the soul and the physical. It is interconnected, however we focus more on the physical cause it is the figure that we see.

Actually, I am not sure why we tend to put a blind eye on what we feel...

I guess those unpleasant and distressing feelings can hold us from moving,

Thus, we put them aside so that we can focus to our life especially family, friends and work.

However, these unresolved feelings have chased and haunted us.

Through the knowledge of cognitive behavioural therapy as the treatment for mental illness including depression, anxiety and schizophrenia, it focuses on the way we perceive and process things (cognitive) which can affect the way we feel (emotion) and the way we behave. (behaviour)

In diagnosing every mental illness, I realize that it is more than just organic causes (biological or gene), there are two other factors contributing to the progression of the illness. It is our psychological (their way in solving and coping with issues) and our social (the environment and community we are living in, and the social norm which we practice and follow). Yes! it varies geographically.

The experience of interacting with people in the early life of childhood and adolescence can be the factor that makes people vulnerable ( predisposing factors) as well as triggering factors to the onset of illness (precipitating factors) and lastly the event that perpetuates the condition (perpetuating factors).

The keywords here are:

The way we " encounter ", "interact" and "accept" people in our life.

yup... thus I believe what matters is how we accept about what has happened to us.

Section 3: A bit of deep reflection

I learn from him, Propet Yunus alaihissalam.

وَذَا النُّونِ إِذ ذَّهَبَ مُغَاضِبًا فَظَنَّ أَن لَّن نَّقْدِرَ عَلَيْهِ فَنَادَىٰ فِي الظُّلُمَاتِ أَن لَّا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا أَنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ - 21:87

SAHIH INTERNATIONAL

"And [mention] the man of the fish, when he went off in anger and thought that We would not decree [anything] upon him. And he called out within the darknesses, "There is no deity except You; exalted are You. Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers."

The phrase " Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers." has caught my attention. Prophet Yunus went in anger. I am not sure what he was thinking, but it must be hard for him to have gone through everything. I am asking to myself "Why we still do goodness when things are just gonna be the same, no difference is made? " Why keep on doing? Keep on going? Is it because of HOPE? Maybe. Desperation when people turn you down after the hard work of bringing goodness.

Yet, Prophet Yunus was in the darkness ( the stomach of the whale). The phase or period of time which I guess he reflected a lot! A LOT I MEAN! He had left his nation behind. To ask for forgiveness from Allah SWT. I believe he must ACKNOWLEDGE he was the wrongdoer, and FORGIVE himself first.

Yes, he needed to forgive himself first then asked for forgiveness from Allah. From there, he could undergo the process of moving on easily as well as he then got back to dakwah soon after.

Often, we usually encounter these phrases

" Why does this happen to me?"

" You are the cause of my sufferings"

What amazed me, Quran targets our cognitive part, the way we think of the world; about what has happened to us. Quran thought us to reflect (muhasabah) on ourself, whatever happens, even it hurts, FORGIVE YOURSELF, THEN FORGIVE OTHERS.

Forgive yourself for acting foolish, for making such unworthy decision, for making such mistake, forgive yourself for indulging into the pool of pain, you have dived in deep enough to the bottom and being trap there.

Forgive others for making you like that, for not supporting you, for neglecting you. For hurting you and causing all the pain.

DEAR SELF, FORGIVE THEM.....

Thus, Quran taught the power of forgiving as the first step to move on.

الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ- 3:134

SAHIH INTERNATIONAL

"Who spend [in the cause of Allah ] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;"

Section 4: A bit of wrap up

It is okay to say "What if ", but it is best to embrace "What is". The concept of " here and now."

Forgive your past.

Allah The Wiser; with His wisdom and perfect timing, all that had happened to you is meant for you. For your growth, cause in darkness (hardship) you will see the brightest stars (how strong you are).

Dear self, whatever happened in the past, forgive yourself, forgive others, don't blame them, they might affect you but it will not destroy you unless you allow it to happen. Things happen!

Alhamdulillah for all the tears and pain. With the experience I learned to lean more on Allah, to believe in Him and to love Him. Please guide me in this calamity. Amin.

Dear self, you deserve to be happy! To cherish what you have now. Go! make yourself proud.

Till we meet again

Love,
Mira Mudin
End of 8th week psychiatric rotation

14/10/2019
14 Safar 1441 Hijrah